Tag Archives: prayer

Monasticism and Asceticism (part I)

I want to begin by reminding myself of something said in the sermon by our college chaplain on Tuesday night; As church leaders we are the most at risk of temptation to boast of spiritual achievements (see 2 Corinthians 12). Having said that I will add that I tell you about the intense couple of days I have just had, not to boast, but to share and document what God was saying to me through the experience.

Now that disclaimer has been issued…

‘The Monastic Ball of Intensity’ (T.M.B.I.)(see Wrestling With Truth (part III)) and I have talked for some months now about reading Isaiah straight through out loud; we wanted to listen to the whole narrative as it flows. As the term went on and things filled our diaries, we found ourselves in the last weeks with very little time during the day to take on this exercise. We decided that it would be ‘cool’ to do it at night and ‘up the stakes’. As we talked about it the descriptive words used by both of us became less ‘interesting, useful’ and more ‘endurance, intense, hardcore, ascetic’ and we started to run away with ideas of doing an all night spiritual marathon with prayers and disciplines added on.

The final decision was: after the college communion on Tuesday night we would do Compline (Night Prayer) and start at chapter one. We would take alternate chapters and/or rotate through whoever came and joined us. We would light some candles and have a simple cross to help our focus but the main task was to listen and digest the words of ‘the great prophet’. We would stay up all night and fast in the chapel as we read and when we came to the end of Isaiah we would decide on another prophet (perhaps Ezekiel) and read through until we got to about 6.00am when we would read Morning prayer and prepare ourselves for a quiet day on Holy Island, organised by our college for the students.

And so at 10pm on Tuesday T.M.B.I., myself and three other students sat in chapel and said Compline together by candle light. We then went straight into Isaiah, chapter 1, verse 1: ‘The vision concerning Judah and Jerusalem that Isaiah son of Amoz…’

During the evening we stopped and prayed for different things, we repeated verses that struck us as important, we knelt in quiet meditation. People came and went and by chapter 40 it was T.M.B.I. and I, one kneeling the other reading. The whole experience was intense, amazing and exhilarating. The sleep deprivation, although visible in my eyes was not felt in my spirit. I was buzzing as we head into the final chapters. God’s presence was so tangible; one person who joined said that as he walked in the place was heavy with holiness… but I’m heading too close to boasting of my experience.

At 2.30am, we had completed Isaiah and moved to our common room to reflect on what we felt God saying through the reading. The only word I could use was ‘relentless’. Isaiah, gives you no break from the anger of God, the passion for His people and, through it all, His almighty mercy. Hope is splattered through the whole book but always the background of depravity and darkness; specks of light break through blackness. T.M.B.I. commented on the ineffability of the text, all we can truly hold is the emotional response to the ‘relentless’ narrative of this relationship of God and his people. We were all struck, I think, by the importance of repentance for sin, not to cheapen grace and forgiveness and, most importantly, not to tame God! What does confession of sin and repentance look like in a theatre setting? I have some ideas already brimming, need to capture the truth of them…

T.M.B.I. went to bed after an hour and a half of chatting and I went back and read Acts, a perfect complement to Isaiah. I was struck by the Spirit (which I will not speak of) and it came as a drenching after an academic year where I have rarely been fed as deeply. When it got to 5.30am I started Morning Prayer, alone in the chapel.

Afterwards, I went, got washed and changed and went to meet a group of guys who I have prayed with over this year. I was flying, it was amazing… I can hardly describe it. The prayer session was fantastic and I’m so grateful for those guys who have supported and ministered to me and for whom have allowed me to support them in times of vulnerability.

And then on to Holy Island…

The home of St Cuthbert, ‘Durham’s Saint’, for many years, Lindisfarne is a place that knows monasticism! After a brief reflection in the church there I went for a solitary walk to some beach. As I sat I asked God to speak and sum up what happened the previous night. I was drawn to Peter Brooks’ chapter on Holy Theatre in ‘The Empty Space’ which now lives, again, constantly in my bag. He writes,

‘he himself was always speaking of a complete way of life, of a theatre in which the activity of the actor and the activity of the spectator were driven by the same desperate need… Artaud applied is Artaud betrayed: betrayed because it is always just a portion of his thought that is exploited, betrayed because it is easier to apply rules to the work of a handful of dedicated actors than to the lives of the unknown spectators who happen by chance to come through the theatre door.’

What a powerful way of describing the work of any prophet. I sat and thought about what I had heard the night before from Isaiah. ‘Isaiah applied is Isaiah betrayed’ for the exact same reason as it was for Artaud. Brook also says,

‘…maybe the power of his vision is that it is the carrot in front of our nose, never to be reached.’

I’m not sure about the ‘never to be reached’, in Isaiah’s case, but certainly not within the limitations of this fallen world. Isaiah’s vision is always out of reach in completion but that we grasp one thing and then another thing is brought into focus. I shared this thought with T.M.B.I. and he came out with a gem only he could say,

‘That’s why we have to stay mad!’

I wonder if he knew Artaud as the man who died with one shoe in his hand, in an asylum?

That would be a nice completion of my post today but… in true Isaiah fashion I will carry on!

As I stood on Cuthbert’s Island, a little clump of land which becomes an island at high tide, I heard the seals wailing. The sound was so powerful. It sounded like the screams of demons or of a damage generation. High on sleep deprivation and coming off an epic reading of the prophet, I imagined Cuthbert stood in prayer hearing the seals wailing, in the distance the mainland. What a powerful prayer tool! God called me to pray for this country and the emotional screams that echo through our land. I desperately wanted something to have as a reminder of that meeting with God and I went into the shops to buy some memento… it was all tat!

Hope was at hand. Friends of mine were making a visit to the Northumbria Community and I was keen to have a look at this way of life and to buy some spiritual aid. I have heard so much about this community over the last year and was intrigued about the nomadic nature of the community and how we, in the theatre world may use the framework.

When we arrived it was a lovely farmhouse, homely and welcoming. The people were awesome and very hospitable, which is good because it’s part of their Rule. I looked at their prayers and studied the literature they use and was dissatisfied. For me (and it is a very personal thing!) their liturgy and the focus of the community was a little too ‘hippy’ for me, too alternative. If anyone has gone to Greenbelt before and found some of the religious stuff too ‘60s love and peace’ then this place is not a religious home for you. Having said that, the welcome and peace around the house is wonderful and I can see, if you want a place to rest, then this is ideal. I just wouldn’t be signing up to read their Morning Prayer every day with a very earthy and ‘hippy’ mentality. This all sounds cruel, it’s not! I can’t describe what it is about the literature I saw but I accepted it wasn’t for me, although I would praise the theory behind it. The work of this community is important and, for others, will be a real home, but for me it isn’t.

What then of a monastic styled community for the theatre? What of a rhythm of prayer for actors who travel (see Riding Lights Theatre Church post)? I have started a conversation with a Fransican friend of mine, we shall call her ‘The Mother’ (not sure what she’d say to that but she has a great maternal instinct and it has slight religious connotations!). She follows the Fransican Rule and as I spoke to her this morning she spoke about the ‘fool for Christ’. I will speak more to ehr about it before offering embryonic thoughts…

How to end in Isaiah fashion? Chapter 66, verse 23 and 24:

‘“From one New Moon to another and from one Sabbath to another, all mankind will come and bow down before me,” says the LORD. “And they will go out and look upon the dead bodies of those who rebelled against me; their worm will not die, nor will their fire be quenched, and they will be loathsome to all mankind.”’

Relentless, isn’t it?

A Brief Explanation (part III)

Spent last night reading Isaiah, from start to finish. Why? Why not!

I then went straight on to a prayer session with a group of friends and then onto a quiet day at Holy Island, it’s been an amazing time but I’ve had 15 minutes sleep in 40 hours so now would not be the best time to write a deep reflection on it.

Watch this space.

Cathedral Event


I was involved in a contemplative, informal, space exploring evening at Durham Cathedral last night. This event has been embryonic for the last six months or so and it was exciting to see its first outing. The night was a ‘rehearsal’; however, this was a strange concept in itself. How can you rehearse a service? God is there, present in the sacrament (which was shared).

Michael Volland has written a post on it on his blog.

The night was useful in that it served its purpose of showing us what worked, where God moved strongly and areas that need more prayer and reflection. I’m loathed to share my personal reflections at this time (see Theatre Church (part II)). All that needs to be said is that this is an exciting team to be a part of and there was real potential in areas of the evening. Lots to consider to make it honest and true to its calling but God is moving and answered prayer.

On a personal note, it confirmed a passion for Fresh Expressions and creating spaces in which people can encounter Christ and to subvert previous conceptions of church and bring many to know the personal Saviour… We didn’t fully reach this ideal last night but, after some constructive reflection, we may yet grasp the full reality God has in store.

Exciting times!

I will add more later when the group has discussed the evening.

Impossipuzzle

What do you do when all your work is done and you have a week to breathe and start to relax?

Do a jigsaw called ‘Impossipuzzle’.

I love to do jigsaws… with a blanket over my knee and my denture soaking in a cup of water! I know that the analogy of a jigsaw and life with God has been done before but it has really struck me how, whilst doing this jigsaw, I have been trying to piece together what God wants me to do in preparation for next year’s placement.

When I started this jigsaw I had a vague sense of what it was of (I don’t look at the cover, it’s more exciting then!) but it was only after I had started and got pieces in place that the pattern became clear. It’s so satisfying when you find the piece that fits and even more exciting when you get lots of pieces fitting in quick succession. It’s frustrating, however, when you cannot find the piece you’re looking for. You try every piece (or at least you think you do) but none of them fit. Is the jigsaw incomplete? Have you lost the piece on the floor or under the sofa? Chances are you’ve not study the pieces close enough.

It’s the same with fitting together this placement. I have a vague sense of what it may look like but as I put things in place and start mapping out the framework I see a clearer direction and focus. It’s satisfying when things fit together, you meet just the right person at just the right time. Sometimes these things happen in quick succession and then there’s a huge gap and you can’t seem to see the next step forward. You question whether you’ve lost your way, or this is not the direction you’re meant to go in. Like the jigsaw piece, you’ve probably not study the pieces close enough.

This week as I try and make preparations for the start of next term, before students head off on holiday, I’ve faced gaps in the vision. The first was a supervisor.

What’s a supervisor for? To speak into and support the placement. This needs to be someone who will open my eyes to things going on outside of my bubble, who will critique and oversee the work. It needs to be someone who has experience of this sort of ministry and who will be there if and when I panic. My tutor has experience of this sort of work and will inevitably support and encourage me, critique my ministry and have a prophetic element to the community. He can’t, however, remind me of the world outside of college as he is part of that and has associations for me. I asked him for his advice and he happened to have had lunch with a guy in Durham that day who has also had experience in community building and Fresh Experiences and was a professional story teller. God’s timing and guidance, or what!

The second gap was a confirmation that I’m being called into Pioneer Ministry. This is a strange gap to have but whilst I happily prepare for next year’s placement, jumping from excitement to sheer anxiety, I have forgotten the practical excuse for doing this at college. The excuse is different from the reason but both are valid. The reason is because I feel called to the theatre community here in Durham and potentially in the future. The excuse, which I need in order to be given time to do it, is to test my vocation in Fresh Expressions.

What would a confirmation of Pioneer Ministry look like? I would like to suggest a clear confirmation would be to have someone come up to me and call me a ‘pioneer’. What is a pioneer?

‘We’re looking for people who combine Christian maturity with a concern for those outside the Christian community; ministers who are willing to learn as they go, try new things and have the vision and skills to develop new communities who do some things differently.’ (Steve Croft, How Do Pioneers Learn?)

This week as I have been praying for a reliance on God and renewed vision for what I’m doing here, I have had one person come up to me and affirm my vision and creative approach to ministry, I have had another person who envied my ability to be shaped by new understanding and learning, and one other person who actually called me a ‘pioneer’ (we were discussing my questions over my gifting for next year…so it doesn’t really count. Shame!) Throughout it all many people have been passionate about the possibility of next year and, although no one can walk the journey with me, i feel really supported by the community.

As I finish the week, having stepped a few more pace down the path marked out for me, I’m aware of the loneliness of this style of ministry and the risk but of equal measure the support, love and prayers of a whole cloud of witnesses; to tip the balance a pleasure and delight of God bursts my questioning bubble again and again and I take each step holding the hand of my Father.

I finished the puzzle tonight! Nothing is impossible, it seems, when you have endurance and take things one piece at a time.

Sacramental Theatre (part III)


Bishop Steven Croft came to college last week to give the annual Michael Vasey Lecture. Bishop Steven headed up the Fresh Expression initiative before becoming Bishop of Sheffield. He has a great knowledge of the mixed economy church and has written widely about the subject of the emerging church. He also was warden at Cranmer Hall and trained here himself.

He entitled his lecture ‘Searching for Simplicity Beyond Complexity: Developing Liturgy for a Mixed Economy.’ He certainly had a stab at posing some ideas in this direction and there are blogs cropping up in response to this lecture both positive and negative.

I’d like to start by quoting the monastic ball of intensity:

‘It was like listening in on a council meeting.’

I’d agree with this view point. This was a great opportunity to inspire and add some dynamism to an area of the church that can seem to be laborious and stuffy. As a charismatic Christian I have struggled with liturgical forms, not because I don’t appreciate them when they are done well but so often they’re not. Set structures and regurgitated responses are not freeing and lack some personality. Services should encourage a personal response to God and a deeper relationship with the personal God.

During my training I have come to appreciate a well thought through and structured liturgy but it always needs to be led by the Spirit. The use of liturgy needs to be ‘apt’ to quote Ann Morrisey and this is what I want to reflect on.

The theatre is a place where scripts and set words are bread and butter and so the use of liturgy should be a simple addition, shouldn’t it?

Theatrical artists understand the use of script and the need for structures be it Shakespeare or Brecht. The scripts and set words, however, are always a character’s words. It becomes difficult when you ask actors to come up with their own words and to express their thoughts and feelings with a script. They can understand why a character feels or says something but they become suspicious when they are being told to own and believe the same thing as a character. It’s a strange dynamic. I’m not saying that they can’t or won’t but it’s not an easy jump as you may think. The relationship between character and actor needs to be marked out carefully or it can become dangerous emotionally and psychologically.

If the theatre ‘do church’ where is the space for liturgical forms? Where is the time for set responses?

My tutor said something to me in our tutorial last week which made me ask some serious questions of where my thoughts and ideas are heading. He said that an emerging church may not need to take up old forms and structures if it is not needed or if it is restrictive. Am I trying to force old church ideas into a space where it is not needed. Am I forcing complexity into my ideas for theatre church? I think my reflections on the sacramental has led me too much into finding how I can force set forms onto a community who struggle to engage and is the very reason why they don’t go to church. If I were to introduce lots of liturgy and set structures because it’s what church does then surely I’m just doing exactly what this community don’t ‘do’.

So where is the apt liturgy in the theatre community?

Bishop Steven set out five reasons why liturgy is important and should be taken into the future.

1. it provides a balanced diet;
2. it offers a deep engagement with scripture;
3. it allows expression of deep emotion;
4. the liturgical year is beneficial;
5. it’s the work of the people.

Let’s look at each point and make some responses.

1. If a community only ever celebrates where is the acceptance of disappointment. Life is not all plain sailing and a church needs to engage with all aspects of life and to be with people in the sorrow and the joy.

2. As a church we need to engage with all of scripture not just the bits that are nice. Liturgy gives us the engagement with Scripture.

3. Some communities struggle to voice deep emotion. I don’t think the theatre struggle we have a bank of deep emotion and I think this can help the community connect with liturgy. Can Shakespeare be used in liturgy?

4. The liturgical year takes people through the story of Christ from before He was born through to the looking for His Glory. For the theatre community, if they only ever performed Act 2 and never got to Act 5 the play never makes sense. It gives them a story to follow.

5. There needs to be a personal involvement in the life and worship of the community. It cannot be the leader or minister it needs to be the work of the people.

There are a lot of questions surrounding the use of liturgy in theatre church which I can keep pondering on. Until the community actually gather I will not know for sure what is ‘apt’ for them. It’s good to know liturgical forms that one can draw on but it needs to be led by the Spirit if it is going to connect with the people you are leading into worship and engagement with God.

Sacred Space


I just came back from a service set in a school. I know of several church plants meeting in school halls up and down the country. The service was informal and charismatic. It is a lively community who are passionate at proclaiming the good news in their locality and are very welcoming. The worship was honest and sensitive and we heard from an ex member of their congregation who is now training to be an evangelist with the Church Army. Having missed my normal type of worship for some time this was a lovely service where I could really relax and meet with God.

So where’s the usual rant, Ned?

It was difficult, being in a school hall, being surrounded by huge banners proclaiming (not Jesus Christ as Lord) but Year 11’s GCSE success with loads of pictures of celebrating teenagers. I engaged with the worship when I closed my eyes! It reminded me of something Angela Shier-Jones wrote in ‘Pioneer Ministry and Fresh Expressions’. She highlighted the importance of doing a space audit where you go and take note of distracting and unhelpful aspects of the space you’re using for worship.

A worship space must be holy, set apart, sacred. Like a rehearsal room, it needs to be prepared for its use. A rehearsal room must be conducive for the creative purpose. Yoshi Oida in his book ‘The Invisible Actor’ talks of how the Japanese Noh artists would sweep and cleanse the room before a rehearsal to prepare themselves and the space for the holy work they will be doing. This set a brilliant model for Fresh Expressions of church. To pray as they prepare the space for worship. Established churches with their holy buildings sometimes take this for granted but it is clear in Fresh Expressions that preparation of the space is vital.

The impact the space had on the holiness and sacredness of the service came to the fore at communion. At first I thought it was lovely how the distribution of communion was so relaxed and informal. I felt like the community were bonding as they approached the Lord’s table. The unity of the church was celebrated. As it went on, however, the chaotic nature of this sacrament became more and more informal. The holiness and sacredness of this act of worship; the centrality of this celebration and its power was lost as people queued up like it was a fast food joint. This may be too harsh but I felt a lack of respect or understanding of what communion means.

Maybe I’m slowly returning to my Catholic roots… It will please my mum!